Please complete this paper, the best you can.
Last name: ________________ First name:
[_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: [_]M [_]F Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politishun
[_] Town Drunk
Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name:_______________________
3rd Spouse's Name: _______________________
Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children at your ex's house: ___
Mother's Name: ___________________(full name)
Father's Name: ___________________(full name)
Last known location of Mother or Father ______________
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
If you obtained a higher education, what did you lurn the most?
[_] 5th grade [_] 6th grade
Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?
Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still run
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Age you started drivin' ______
(If over 10, are you are still lerrnin? [_] Yes * [_] No)
Guns you own and where you keep 'em:
I have #____ guns
#____ guns in muh pickup truck
#____ guns in th' kitchen
#____ guns in muh bedroom
#____ guns in muh bathroom/outhouse
#____ guns at th' pawnshop
Model and year of your pickup:
Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun [_] Bassmasters_
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
[_] been awhile
Do you use soap when you take a bath?
[_] ain't got no soap
[_] Does lye count?
How many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] ain't go no teeth
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man [_] Skoal [_] any ol' worm dirt'l do
How far is your home from the nearest paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] ain't sure
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet, a '67 Chevelle, or a '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2 x 8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children put a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 9000 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates in a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?