BSorNOT Research Institute recently completed a
language study and are proud
to present the findings here:
1. If 'con' is the opposite of 'pro', is
Congress the opposite of progress?
2. Flying is considered to be one of the
safest ways of traveling. With that in mind, why
do they call the airport the "terminal"?
3. Found on a bar of Dial soap: "Directions:
Use like regular soap."
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving
suggestion: 'Defrost before eating' " but, it's "just" a
suggestion... what about the other Swanson Frozen dinners?
5. On the bottom of the Tesco Tiramisu
dessert box: "Do
not turn upside down." well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
7. Warning on the packaging for a Rowenta
not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more
8. Cautionary statement on the bottle of
a popular Children Cough Medicine:"Do
not drive a car, or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the number of construction accidents and car wrecks,
if we could just get those 5-year-olds [with head-colds] to stay home when they
9. Cautionary statement found on Nytol Sleep
Aid label: "Warning:
May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking this because???....)
10. Instructions found on most brands of
Christmas lights at Wal-mart: "For
indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
12. On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: may
contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions:
1 Open packet, 2 enjoy nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
Even with the salt, those plastic bags are so bland...
14. On a Swedish made chainsaw:"Do not attempt
to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there
a lot of this happening somewhere?)
15. Why are they called 'apartments' when
they are all stuck together?
16. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
17. Why do they sterilize the needle for
18. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
19. When dog food is new and improved tasting,
who gets to taste it?
20. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
21. Why is the time of day with the slowest
traffic called 'rush hour'?
22. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
23. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth
24. Why does the sun lighten our hair, while it darkens
25. Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Top 10 American Icons
10. Only in America......Where the drive-up ATM
with Braille lettering.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics'
to describe the government process: 'The Latin translation
is - Poli' 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
8. Only in America......Where you can only buy hot dogs
in packages of ten and the buns in packages of eight.
7. Only in America......Answering machines
to screen calls while we pay extra for call waiting so we
won't miss a call from someone we (likely) didn't want to
talk to in the first place.
6. Only in America......do we park
our cars worth thousands
of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the
5. Only in America......Banks leave both doors
unlocked yet they chain the courtesy pens to the counters.
4. Only in America......where you can order a double
cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet coke.
3. Only in America......Drugstores make the sick walk
all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions
while healthy people can buy cancer causing cigarettes and
other tobacco products just inside the front door.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
1. Only in America......where the pizza delivery man
gets to your house faster than an ambulance.